Waiting two weeks for a single phone call can seem like an eternity. Over analyzing every little twinge, every little symptom (Or lack there of), can start to consume a person. In the past, I'd told all my friends that we were about to embark on another round of IUI (aka Artificial Insemination). This time around, only a small number of people knew that we were getting back on the fertility roller coaster.
My amazing husband and I had decided after our last go round that we were going to step back and take a few months away from that roller coaster. Three weeks ago we got in line again and a week later it was our turn. We went in so optimistic and so full of hope and desire. After all, I had been able to "let go" of so many negative things in my life and the numbers were starting to look like they were turning to our favor. How could we be anything but optimistic?
For the two weeks following, I laid low, remained positive and just knew it was time. Everything seemed to be in place and it was time for us to have that one little thing we so desperately want to complete our happy little home. When my phone rang this morning and I saw our doctors number on the screen, I just knew they were going to finally have that great news we've been waiting for after all these years of tears and let downs. Then came the words I have grown much too accustomed to hearing, "Unfortunately, the test came back negative."
So here we are again, back on the roller coaster that is full of twists, turns, ups and downs. Where do we go from here? That, I do not know. We can either get back in line for this ride. Or we up the ante and get in line for the bigger one, the scarier one, full of a lot more appointments, hormone injections and not to mention, money.
I'm not certain about many things in life, but the one thing I am certain of is that my husband and I are meant to be parents. I long to be woken up in the middle of the night, to be thrown up on and to cradle that precious little soul in my arms, rocking him or her to sleep day in and day out...
