My Best Friend, My Mom...

There really is nothing like the bond between me and my mom.  From as far back as I can remember, she has always been there for me.  She missed one, maybe two of my games from the time I started playing sports in the fifth grade all the way through volleyball season of my senior year of high school.  We traveled almost every weekend for club volleyball, weekend long softball or basketball tournaments.  She never complained about giving up her weekends to support me.  She sat in gyms across Northern California on perfect 80 degree days and bleachers on scorching hot 100 degree days.  All to be there for me.  She managed to do all this while working full time.  We didn't have the luxury of her being a stay at home mom, but you never would have known that with her constant involvement.

Over the years, one of the things I have always worried about most was disappointing her.  I've always wanted to make sure she was proud of me.  The few (at least I hope it was only a few) times I know I've let her down, are burned into my brain and are lessons in life that I had to learn the hard way.  There was the epic party I threw my junior year of high school and partying with the Navy boys in Cabo until 4am.  The look in her eyes after those events was all I needed to not go there again.

When it came time to decide on a college, I turned down a volleyball scholarship to a school in Colorado and an acceptance letter from Portland State and decided on the small Cal State Monterey Bay campus because it was a short 2 hour drive home to see her on weekends.  At a time that most kids were wanting to move as far away as possible, I wasn't ready to move that far from her.  As life moved forward and I moved around the state, I was always within three hours from her.  When I moved to Oregon at 25 years old, I never imagined living 10 hours away would be so difficult.  After living here for 7 years and only seeing her a handful of times every year, it gets harder and harder to say goodbye every time.  Whether I'm leaving her house in CA or she's leaving here, I find myself in tears before the front door is even opened.

Now as I become a mother myself, all I can hope for is that I will be half the mom to my twins as she was to me and my brother.  Lord knows I have the best possible role model and support system by my side.  Knowing that my children will grow up with her as their grandma gives me a sense of comfort and relief. 

With all of the trials and tribulations in life, it's so reassuring to know that there will always be that one person I can turn to, be 100% honest and open with and know that she is never going to judge me or put me down for the decisions that I have made.  While she may not always agree with the choices I make, she supports me unconditionally.  I love you mom! Thank you for being my best friend, my #1 fan and the greatest mom anyone could ever hope for!

Overwhelming Joy

May 8, 2013 is the day my life changed for the better.  After 12 years of knowing that Jake was the man I was going to spend forever with and the man I was meant to raise a family with, our dreams came true.  There I was, 38 weeks pregnant with my twins.  After having a pretty uneventful and smooth pregnancy, we were checking into the hospital at 9:30 that morning for a scheduled C-section at noon.  My dad and step mom had driven up a few days earlier and my mom flown up from CA to be there with us.  The anxiety and anticipation was killing all of us in the pre-op birthing suite.  As the clock ticked away, it got closer and closer to noon.  At about 11:45, our delivery nurse Whitney came in to inform us that there was another twin mama and one of her babies was in jeopardy so they had to take her in for an emergency c section before us.  We settled back in and let the anxiety start to build again.  At this point we were under the impression that we would be going in around 3:00.  2:55 rolled around and we were again being bumped for yet another emergency C-section.  Now those of you that know me well, know that patience is not one of my strong suits.  I had to just remind myself that I had waited 12 years, what was another couple of hours.  After all, my babies were full term, healthy and strong.  At that moment, what was most important were those other babies that were in jeopardy and the safety of them and their moms.

Shortly after 5:00pm, Whitney came in to let us know it was "Go Time"!  That is when the anxiety really set in!  After all these years and 38 weeks of never really believing it was actually not a dream, we were about to meet our two miracle babies!  I walked down the hall and entered the OR.  Dr. Bay, my incredible anesthesiologist, started my spinal anesthesia.  They laid me back on the table and then let Jake into the room.  I turned to look my amazing husband in the eyes.  I could see the fear and joy in his eyes as he stroked my hand with his.  After what seemed like just minutes of being in the operating room, I heard the sound I will never forget.  It was the first cry from my baby girl. At that moment, I turned and looked deep into my husbands eyes and between the sound of my little girl crying and the love in my husbands eyes, the tears started to flow from mine.  A few short seconds later, there was a nurse, holding my gorgeous little girl with a full head of dark hair.  Then just a minute and a half later I heard the second sound I'll never forget, the first cry of my baby boy! There he was, completely opposite of his sister, but just as beautiful!  They laid the two of them on my chest and the joy that I felt really cannot even be put into words! I laid there with two perfect, healthy babies on my chest and the man of my dreams holding my hand!  Peyton was delivered at 6:10pm and Lukas at 6:12.  My tiny little girl with a full head of hair weighed 5lbs 10oz and my stocky little man weighed 7lbs 5oz.

That night we had a few visitors in the recovery room.  My mom, my dad, Jake's grandma and my "Sister" as the nurses referred to her (Nicole).  After regaining the mobility in my legs, we were moved up to our room.  Jake went with my parents to get some dinner and Nicole came up with my "nieces" to meet the twins.  Between the family getting back from dinner and Nicole's family heading home, I had some one on one (I guess more like one on two) time with them.  As they laid there on my chest, I couldn't look away from them.  There they finally were, my dreams come true times two!

The next three days we stayed in the hospital and enjoyed visiting with my family from CA on Thursday morning before they had to head home and my friend Shannon came to take some photos of them.  The days that followed their "Birth Day" were filled with a lot of emotion for the both of us.  Several times I found my eyes welling up with tears of joy.  I could sit there and stare at them both for hours.  I find myself wondering what I did so right in life to be granted this amazing gift. 

I always knew Jake was going to make a great dad, but seeing him with these two is like nothing I ever could have ever imagined.  He gazes at them with so much love and pride.  He is tender and sweet and never hesitates to make a bottle or change a diaper.  We've been so lucky to have him home with us and honestly, I'm not quite sure how I'll handle him having to go back to work on Wednesday.  I don't worry so much about being able to handle the twins on my own, but more of just missing him while he's gone all day.  I've become very selfish of our time with him.  I do know though that in order for me to stay home and raise our babies, he has to work his butt off to provide for us.

As we all know, I've always dreamed of becoming a mom.  Now that I have had these two incredibly adorable and perfect babies home for 9 days, I never could have imagined the absolute joy they would bring to my life.  I can't believe they are already 12 days old today.  Needless to say, this blog will most likely turn into a journal of my life raising twins and all the trials and tribulations that will come along with not only being a first time parent, but a first time parent of twins!

Almost Go Time!

I should probably be asleep right now, but that is the last thing on my mind!  After waiting for what seems like an eternity (almost 13 years to be exact), my greatest dream is a short 13 hours away.  Those of you that have known me for a while know that I have always wanted to be a mom.  I have always felt like I was destined to be a soccer (ok more like volleyball or basketball) mom.  After years of frustrations, tears and let down it is finally about to happen.  I feel like it was just yesterday that we found out that we were expecting not only one but two miracles! 

So here we are, 38 weeks pregnant with our twins! I have been so fortunate to have a very smooth pregnancy.  I never suffered from morning sickness or super crazy cravings, I dodged the gestational diabetes bullet and my blood pressure has been consistently "perfect".  I'm even shocked at the fact that I weigh less tonight then the day I got married (true story!).  I've wondered time and time again what these little angels are going to look like.  Will Peyton have the gorgeous deep auburn hair that the sun picks up in her daddy's goatee?  Will Lukas have mommy's blue eyes or nose?  These are questions that time will answer, but I do know they are going to be perfect and laying in my arms tomorrow!

I think the thing I am most excited about is watching the man that I am so insanely in love with become a daddy for the first time!  Jake is an incredibly patient, kind and loving man.  Sure, he's never changed a diaper in his life, but if he can cling to a power pole in 80 mph wind, he can surely tackle a dirty diaper.  I told him the other day that I needed to get him a birthday present before we go to the hospital, he looked at me, rubbed my belly and told me I was already giving him the best birthday present he could have ever dreamed of.

I hope this is making sense as I've been awake since 5:00am and it is now 11:15pm and my mind is racing a mile a minute.  Do I have everything I need in my hospital bag? Do I have too much in my hospital bag? Do we have everything we need for the twins when we bring them home?  I guess at this point, if we don't, we'll figure it out as we go! After all, there are no user's manuals handed out when you leave the hospital!

Stay tuned and when I am feeling up to it, I will post an update! Thank you everyone for all your love, support and prayers!