As a warm summer breeze comes through the living room window, I can't help to feel so incredibly blessed. I not only have one, but two, absolutely gorgeous babies napping peacefully in front of me. After waiting almost thirteen years for our prayers to be answered, I still have moments where I can't believe I'm actually a mom to twins. About five years ago I had a dream that I was walking through town holding hands with boy/girl twins. At the time, I thought I'd be lucky if even half of that dream came true! What are the chances that we'd not only have twins, but that we would be blessed with one of each!!
Sure I have my moments where I think "What in the hell were we thinking having two?", but that usually only happens at 3:00am when they are both screaming and won't go back to sleep or when they both have an evening meltdown about 15 minutes before their daddy should be home from work. However, the pure joy that they bring me far outweighs the overwhelming stress of those meltdowns.
Growing up in California, I never imagined being able to be a "Stay at Home Mom." My mom worked full time and still found enough hours in the day to cook, clean and make it to every volleyball, basketball and softball game. I watched her do it, so I figured when the time came, that's what I would do. I have got to tell you, I have a new found respect for moms that work forty hours a week and still find the time to be a full time mom as well! Every time I find myself wanting to bitch about not getting an extra load of laundry done, I just remind myself that I'm lucky I was able to wash a load in the middle of the day and not at 11:00 at night.
I've always been a people person and for the first six years of living in Oregon, I worked as a barista so I was constantly around people. I think that is what has been the hardest thing for me to adapt to now as a mom. My priorities are different. I used to be able to plan on going to lunch with my girlfriends at noon and I knew if I started to get ready at eleven, I could still make the twenty minute drive into town with no problem. Now, on the rare, maybe once a week occasion where I drag the two car seats and stroller into town to enjoy some adult time, I have to start getting ready to go two hours earlier. And that's IF I was able to get a shower before my husband left for work. I've had to miss graduation parties because one of the babies hadn't pooped for days and had a clogged tear duct, I've pretty much been late to every appointment (I used to always be at least ten minutes early) and I forget what it feels like to sleep for eight uninterrupted hours. And while I could sit here and think about all the things I'm missing, I find myself so incredibly at peace with this new life and wouldn't change it for the world!!
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Forever and Ever, Amen
When you hear that a loved one has a terminal disease, it hits you like a ton of bricks. But then the doctors say some people have lived with this rare form of Lymphoma for as long as 7 years so you become overly optimistic and think that your loved one with be included in those studies.
My grandpa has always been a strong man. A mans man. So when our family heard last fall that he had this rare form of Lymphoma, it hit us all like a runaway Mack truck. Our family flocked to be by his side for Thanksgiving. We all sat around the holiday turkey and ham and prayed. We prayed for him to beat the odds and live to see many more Thanksgivings. As the evening wore on, I sat down next to this incredible man and made him promise me one thing, that he would live to see the twins I was carrying. He looked me in the face, squeezed my hand and said he would.
Months passed and it appeared that the chemo was working and while he had his rough days, he remained positive. At one point the doctor even told him he could have a glass or two of red wine on non-chemo weeks. I found myself reflecting on my childhood with grandpa.
My earliest memory is of a stuffed Koala Bear that he bought me at a flea market. I'm not sure why this one stuffed animal sticks out so vividly in my mind, but I remember kissing it's hard plastic nose and hugging it tight as we walked back to the truck that day. Then there was Christmas. Year after year, I remember him walking around their house with a large black garbage bag threatening to throw away any toys that were left laying around. Most would think he was kidding, he wasn't!
We spent countless hours fishing together. I would climb into the back of his Ford Bronco II and head to the lake when I was a little girl. In my early teens, we would venture out to the "Marijuana Hole" together to fish one of the best spots on the river. Back then I wasn't that into fishing, but it was more about spending the quality time with him. I think he knew that I had it in me to hang with the guys when it came to a line and reel. Years later, he was with me when I caught my first Salmon on the Trinity River in my twenties and he was there when I pulled up my first crab pot on the Coquille River. He instilled a love for the outdoors in me that I will never be able to thank him enough for.
He taught me that love can stand the test of time. He had a bollo tie hanging from the rear view mirror of that Bronco. On that tie were the Snap, Crackle and Pop elves from the Rice Krispy box. There was a story about him having one very similar to that when grandma and he were dating and I believe sometime in the 70s she was able to find him another one. I watched those little elves sway back and forth while singing along to Harry Belafonte on our way to Trinity countless times. If he caught me slacking and not singing along, he would rewind the song. Then we would listen to Randy Travis' "Forever and Ever, Amen." Listening to that song with my grandparents in the front seat, showed me that you can find your happily ever after. From early on, whether he knew it or not, he had showed me that I would find that one special one to grow old with just like he had back when he was 15 years old.
The day I got married, he presented me and my husband two custom fishing poles, also known in our family as Razz Rods. On those hand wrapped rods, one read "Forever" and the other, "And Ever, Amen." That night, June 15, 2002, we danced to The Judds' song "Grandpa". That day was an amazing day, but dancing with that man is one of my fondest memories from that night.
As I held his hand during his final days, all these memories came flooding back to me. Here was a man that raised four boys, watched over a dozen grand kids grow up and even lived to meet 10 great grand children. I sat there 48 hours before he passed with my twins, that we had all waited so long for and he just told me over and over again how amazing and beautiful they were. The day he passed he opened his eyes and saw my precious little girl sitting on his bed. he then reached out for her and held her hand. At that moment, he didn't have to say a word. I knew he was thinking back to the day I was born and he had lived to see me not only have a beautiful little boy, but also a gorgeous little girl. That night, as he took his final breath, he was surrounded by most of his family and he was able to move into his new life knowing he was and always will be loved by many. Rest in peace grandpa. I love you, forever and ever, Amen.
My grandpa has always been a strong man. A mans man. So when our family heard last fall that he had this rare form of Lymphoma, it hit us all like a runaway Mack truck. Our family flocked to be by his side for Thanksgiving. We all sat around the holiday turkey and ham and prayed. We prayed for him to beat the odds and live to see many more Thanksgivings. As the evening wore on, I sat down next to this incredible man and made him promise me one thing, that he would live to see the twins I was carrying. He looked me in the face, squeezed my hand and said he would.
Months passed and it appeared that the chemo was working and while he had his rough days, he remained positive. At one point the doctor even told him he could have a glass or two of red wine on non-chemo weeks. I found myself reflecting on my childhood with grandpa.
My earliest memory is of a stuffed Koala Bear that he bought me at a flea market. I'm not sure why this one stuffed animal sticks out so vividly in my mind, but I remember kissing it's hard plastic nose and hugging it tight as we walked back to the truck that day. Then there was Christmas. Year after year, I remember him walking around their house with a large black garbage bag threatening to throw away any toys that were left laying around. Most would think he was kidding, he wasn't!
We spent countless hours fishing together. I would climb into the back of his Ford Bronco II and head to the lake when I was a little girl. In my early teens, we would venture out to the "Marijuana Hole" together to fish one of the best spots on the river. Back then I wasn't that into fishing, but it was more about spending the quality time with him. I think he knew that I had it in me to hang with the guys when it came to a line and reel. Years later, he was with me when I caught my first Salmon on the Trinity River in my twenties and he was there when I pulled up my first crab pot on the Coquille River. He instilled a love for the outdoors in me that I will never be able to thank him enough for.
He taught me that love can stand the test of time. He had a bollo tie hanging from the rear view mirror of that Bronco. On that tie were the Snap, Crackle and Pop elves from the Rice Krispy box. There was a story about him having one very similar to that when grandma and he were dating and I believe sometime in the 70s she was able to find him another one. I watched those little elves sway back and forth while singing along to Harry Belafonte on our way to Trinity countless times. If he caught me slacking and not singing along, he would rewind the song. Then we would listen to Randy Travis' "Forever and Ever, Amen." Listening to that song with my grandparents in the front seat, showed me that you can find your happily ever after. From early on, whether he knew it or not, he had showed me that I would find that one special one to grow old with just like he had back when he was 15 years old.
The day I got married, he presented me and my husband two custom fishing poles, also known in our family as Razz Rods. On those hand wrapped rods, one read "Forever" and the other, "And Ever, Amen." That night, June 15, 2002, we danced to The Judds' song "Grandpa". That day was an amazing day, but dancing with that man is one of my fondest memories from that night.
As I held his hand during his final days, all these memories came flooding back to me. Here was a man that raised four boys, watched over a dozen grand kids grow up and even lived to meet 10 great grand children. I sat there 48 hours before he passed with my twins, that we had all waited so long for and he just told me over and over again how amazing and beautiful they were. The day he passed he opened his eyes and saw my precious little girl sitting on his bed. he then reached out for her and held her hand. At that moment, he didn't have to say a word. I knew he was thinking back to the day I was born and he had lived to see me not only have a beautiful little boy, but also a gorgeous little girl. That night, as he took his final breath, he was surrounded by most of his family and he was able to move into his new life knowing he was and always will be loved by many. Rest in peace grandpa. I love you, forever and ever, Amen.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Week Number Four
Let me just start by saying, domestic diva I am not! Cleaning has never been one of my strong suits, I'm not great with crafts (though I try) and I have about 5 no fail recipes that I rotate through. I think I have some sort of mental block when it comes to starting laundry and seeing it through to putting it away. For some reason the dishes get put away but the silverware sits in it's little basket a couple hours longer and I have a bag full of wine corks sitting in the cupboard that I have the best of intentions on doing "something" with.
Now that I've made that clear, I can say that "napping when they nap" is just not an option for me. Maybe it's the guilt of my husband working 50 hours a week and not wanting him to feel like he has to cook or fold laundry when he gets home or maybe it's the fact that I feel like it's my duty as a stay at home wife and mom to make sure those things are done as much as possible. I'm not saying that I have dinner on the table every night waiting for him, after all, there are definitely nights where the twins want me to do nothing but hold them. But what I am saying is, when I get an hour or two to myself, the last thing on my mind is sleeping. The first thought is usually, oh I better go to the bathroom right now while I have a chance to do so without holding a newborn. Second is usually, oh I guess I should probably eat something or at least get some water to drink. Sure a nap sounds nice but when the sun is shining and there's things that need to be done (or a blog that needs to be written LOL), I can't bring myself to do it.
We have been parents for four weeks now and I'm still trying to figure out how in the world I'm going to carry two babies once Peyton catches up to her brother in size. Then there's the car seats and all I can think is boy, who needs the gym and dumb bells. All I need to do is strap Lukas into his seat and do curls with him. We've had good nights where we get six hours of sleep (in two three hour stretches) and there's been nights where one of us gets three if we are lucky. Those three hour nights are tough, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world. When I start to get frustrated because one is crying and I have fed, burped, rocked and changed diapers and I don't know what else to do, all I have to do is remember how long we have waited and everything we went through to get this far and it makes those sleepless, fussy nights all worth it.
It's usually around 2:30 in the morning when both of them are crying that my husband looks at me and says, "Oh let's put in two" referring to the day we did our embryo transfer and the doctor asking if we wanted to transfer one or two. That day our doctor said they had two beautiful embryos picked out and asked if we wanted to transfer one or two. Jake looked at me and said "One?" I looked at him and the only thing going through my mind was, "What if we only do one and it doesn't take? I would constantly wonder if we had transferred two if at least one of them would have taken. And if they both take, then hey that's okay I can handle twins." So I looked back at him and said, "Two." The doctor then agreed that he thought two was a good idea. Jake smiled at me and said, "Ok, two it is." He likes to jokingly give me crap about that now when we are both laying there sleep deprived. But he will also be the first one to tell you that he can't imagine life without the both of them now.
At this point, they are four weeks old and all I can think is how blessed I am with these two precious and perfect babies. Sure the shoulder and back of my shirt are covered in spit up right now (no joke), but there's nowhere else I'd rather be. Okay, that's not true, I'd rather be on the beach in Mexico with spit up on my shirt, but my recliner in Oregon will have to do for the time being!
Now that I've made that clear, I can say that "napping when they nap" is just not an option for me. Maybe it's the guilt of my husband working 50 hours a week and not wanting him to feel like he has to cook or fold laundry when he gets home or maybe it's the fact that I feel like it's my duty as a stay at home wife and mom to make sure those things are done as much as possible. I'm not saying that I have dinner on the table every night waiting for him, after all, there are definitely nights where the twins want me to do nothing but hold them. But what I am saying is, when I get an hour or two to myself, the last thing on my mind is sleeping. The first thought is usually, oh I better go to the bathroom right now while I have a chance to do so without holding a newborn. Second is usually, oh I guess I should probably eat something or at least get some water to drink. Sure a nap sounds nice but when the sun is shining and there's things that need to be done (or a blog that needs to be written LOL), I can't bring myself to do it.
We have been parents for four weeks now and I'm still trying to figure out how in the world I'm going to carry two babies once Peyton catches up to her brother in size. Then there's the car seats and all I can think is boy, who needs the gym and dumb bells. All I need to do is strap Lukas into his seat and do curls with him. We've had good nights where we get six hours of sleep (in two three hour stretches) and there's been nights where one of us gets three if we are lucky. Those three hour nights are tough, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world. When I start to get frustrated because one is crying and I have fed, burped, rocked and changed diapers and I don't know what else to do, all I have to do is remember how long we have waited and everything we went through to get this far and it makes those sleepless, fussy nights all worth it.
It's usually around 2:30 in the morning when both of them are crying that my husband looks at me and says, "Oh let's put in two" referring to the day we did our embryo transfer and the doctor asking if we wanted to transfer one or two. That day our doctor said they had two beautiful embryos picked out and asked if we wanted to transfer one or two. Jake looked at me and said "One?" I looked at him and the only thing going through my mind was, "What if we only do one and it doesn't take? I would constantly wonder if we had transferred two if at least one of them would have taken. And if they both take, then hey that's okay I can handle twins." So I looked back at him and said, "Two." The doctor then agreed that he thought two was a good idea. Jake smiled at me and said, "Ok, two it is." He likes to jokingly give me crap about that now when we are both laying there sleep deprived. But he will also be the first one to tell you that he can't imagine life without the both of them now.
At this point, they are four weeks old and all I can think is how blessed I am with these two precious and perfect babies. Sure the shoulder and back of my shirt are covered in spit up right now (no joke), but there's nowhere else I'd rather be. Okay, that's not true, I'd rather be on the beach in Mexico with spit up on my shirt, but my recliner in Oregon will have to do for the time being!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
My Best Friend, My Mom...
There really is nothing like the bond between me and my mom. From as far back as I can remember, she has always been there for me. She missed one, maybe two of my games from the time I started playing sports in the fifth grade all the way through volleyball season of my senior year of high school. We traveled almost every weekend for club volleyball, weekend long softball or basketball tournaments. She never complained about giving up her weekends to support me. She sat in gyms across Northern California on perfect 80 degree days and bleachers on scorching hot 100 degree days. All to be there for me. She managed to do all this while working full time. We didn't have the luxury of her being a stay at home mom, but you never would have known that with her constant involvement.
Over the years, one of the things I have always worried about most was disappointing her. I've always wanted to make sure she was proud of me. The few (at least I hope it was only a few) times I know I've let her down, are burned into my brain and are lessons in life that I had to learn the hard way. There was the epic party I threw my junior year of high school and partying with the Navy boys in Cabo until 4am. The look in her eyes after those events was all I needed to not go there again.
When it came time to decide on a college, I turned down a volleyball scholarship to a school in Colorado and an acceptance letter from Portland State and decided on the small Cal State Monterey Bay campus because it was a short 2 hour drive home to see her on weekends. At a time that most kids were wanting to move as far away as possible, I wasn't ready to move that far from her. As life moved forward and I moved around the state, I was always within three hours from her. When I moved to Oregon at 25 years old, I never imagined living 10 hours away would be so difficult. After living here for 7 years and only seeing her a handful of times every year, it gets harder and harder to say goodbye every time. Whether I'm leaving her house in CA or she's leaving here, I find myself in tears before the front door is even opened.
Now as I become a mother myself, all I can hope for is that I will be half the mom to my twins as she was to me and my brother. Lord knows I have the best possible role model and support system by my side. Knowing that my children will grow up with her as their grandma gives me a sense of comfort and relief.
With all of the trials and tribulations in life, it's so reassuring to know that there will always be that one person I can turn to, be 100% honest and open with and know that she is never going to judge me or put me down for the decisions that I have made. While she may not always agree with the choices I make, she supports me unconditionally. I love you mom! Thank you for being my best friend, my #1 fan and the greatest mom anyone could ever hope for!
Over the years, one of the things I have always worried about most was disappointing her. I've always wanted to make sure she was proud of me. The few (at least I hope it was only a few) times I know I've let her down, are burned into my brain and are lessons in life that I had to learn the hard way. There was the epic party I threw my junior year of high school and partying with the Navy boys in Cabo until 4am. The look in her eyes after those events was all I needed to not go there again.
When it came time to decide on a college, I turned down a volleyball scholarship to a school in Colorado and an acceptance letter from Portland State and decided on the small Cal State Monterey Bay campus because it was a short 2 hour drive home to see her on weekends. At a time that most kids were wanting to move as far away as possible, I wasn't ready to move that far from her. As life moved forward and I moved around the state, I was always within three hours from her. When I moved to Oregon at 25 years old, I never imagined living 10 hours away would be so difficult. After living here for 7 years and only seeing her a handful of times every year, it gets harder and harder to say goodbye every time. Whether I'm leaving her house in CA or she's leaving here, I find myself in tears before the front door is even opened.
Now as I become a mother myself, all I can hope for is that I will be half the mom to my twins as she was to me and my brother. Lord knows I have the best possible role model and support system by my side. Knowing that my children will grow up with her as their grandma gives me a sense of comfort and relief.
With all of the trials and tribulations in life, it's so reassuring to know that there will always be that one person I can turn to, be 100% honest and open with and know that she is never going to judge me or put me down for the decisions that I have made. While she may not always agree with the choices I make, she supports me unconditionally. I love you mom! Thank you for being my best friend, my #1 fan and the greatest mom anyone could ever hope for!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Overwhelming Joy
May 8, 2013 is the day my life changed for the better. After 12 years of knowing that Jake was the man I was going to spend forever with and the man I was meant to raise a family with, our dreams came true. There I was, 38 weeks pregnant with my twins. After having a pretty uneventful and smooth pregnancy, we were checking into the hospital at 9:30 that morning for a scheduled C-section at noon. My dad and step mom had driven up a few days earlier and my mom flown up from CA to be there with us. The anxiety and anticipation was killing all of us in the pre-op birthing suite. As the clock ticked away, it got closer and closer to noon. At about 11:45, our delivery nurse Whitney came in to inform us that there was another twin mama and one of her babies was in jeopardy so they had to take her in for an emergency c section before us. We settled back in and let the anxiety start to build again. At this point we were under the impression that we would be going in around 3:00. 2:55 rolled around and we were again being bumped for yet another emergency C-section. Now those of you that know me well, know that patience is not one of my strong suits. I had to just remind myself that I had waited 12 years, what was another couple of hours. After all, my babies were full term, healthy and strong. At that moment, what was most important were those other babies that were in jeopardy and the safety of them and their moms.
Shortly after 5:00pm, Whitney came in to let us know it was "Go Time"! That is when the anxiety really set in! After all these years and 38 weeks of never really believing it was actually not a dream, we were about to meet our two miracle babies! I walked down the hall and entered the OR. Dr. Bay, my incredible anesthesiologist, started my spinal anesthesia. They laid me back on the table and then let Jake into the room. I turned to look my amazing husband in the eyes. I could see the fear and joy in his eyes as he stroked my hand with his. After what seemed like just minutes of being in the operating room, I heard the sound I will never forget. It was the first cry from my baby girl. At that moment, I turned and looked deep into my husbands eyes and between the sound of my little girl crying and the love in my husbands eyes, the tears started to flow from mine. A few short seconds later, there was a nurse, holding my gorgeous little girl with a full head of dark hair. Then just a minute and a half later I heard the second sound I'll never forget, the first cry of my baby boy! There he was, completely opposite of his sister, but just as beautiful! They laid the two of them on my chest and the joy that I felt really cannot even be put into words! I laid there with two perfect, healthy babies on my chest and the man of my dreams holding my hand! Peyton was delivered at 6:10pm and Lukas at 6:12. My tiny little girl with a full head of hair weighed 5lbs 10oz and my stocky little man weighed 7lbs 5oz.
That night we had a few visitors in the recovery room. My mom, my dad, Jake's grandma and my "Sister" as the nurses referred to her (Nicole). After regaining the mobility in my legs, we were moved up to our room. Jake went with my parents to get some dinner and Nicole came up with my "nieces" to meet the twins. Between the family getting back from dinner and Nicole's family heading home, I had some one on one (I guess more like one on two) time with them. As they laid there on my chest, I couldn't look away from them. There they finally were, my dreams come true times two!
The next three days we stayed in the hospital and enjoyed visiting with my family from CA on Thursday morning before they had to head home and my friend Shannon came to take some photos of them. The days that followed their "Birth Day" were filled with a lot of emotion for the both of us. Several times I found my eyes welling up with tears of joy. I could sit there and stare at them both for hours. I find myself wondering what I did so right in life to be granted this amazing gift.
I always knew Jake was going to make a great dad, but seeing him with these two is like nothing I ever could have ever imagined. He gazes at them with so much love and pride. He is tender and sweet and never hesitates to make a bottle or change a diaper. We've been so lucky to have him home with us and honestly, I'm not quite sure how I'll handle him having to go back to work on Wednesday. I don't worry so much about being able to handle the twins on my own, but more of just missing him while he's gone all day. I've become very selfish of our time with him. I do know though that in order for me to stay home and raise our babies, he has to work his butt off to provide for us.
As we all know, I've always dreamed of becoming a mom. Now that I have had these two incredibly adorable and perfect babies home for 9 days, I never could have imagined the absolute joy they would bring to my life. I can't believe they are already 12 days old today. Needless to say, this blog will most likely turn into a journal of my life raising twins and all the trials and tribulations that will come along with not only being a first time parent, but a first time parent of twins!
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Almost Go Time!
I should probably be asleep right now, but that is the last thing on my mind! After waiting for what seems like an eternity (almost 13 years to be exact), my greatest dream is a short 13 hours away. Those of you that have known me for a while know that I have always wanted to be a mom. I have always felt like I was destined to be a soccer (ok more like volleyball or basketball) mom. After years of frustrations, tears and let down it is finally about to happen. I feel like it was just yesterday that we found out that we were expecting not only one but two miracles!
So here we are, 38 weeks pregnant with our twins! I have been so fortunate to have a very smooth pregnancy. I never suffered from morning sickness or super crazy cravings, I dodged the gestational diabetes bullet and my blood pressure has been consistently "perfect". I'm even shocked at the fact that I weigh less tonight then the day I got married (true story!). I've wondered time and time again what these little angels are going to look like. Will Peyton have the gorgeous deep auburn hair that the sun picks up in her daddy's goatee? Will Lukas have mommy's blue eyes or nose? These are questions that time will answer, but I do know they are going to be perfect and laying in my arms tomorrow!
I think the thing I am most excited about is watching the man that I am so insanely in love with become a daddy for the first time! Jake is an incredibly patient, kind and loving man. Sure, he's never changed a diaper in his life, but if he can cling to a power pole in 80 mph wind, he can surely tackle a dirty diaper. I told him the other day that I needed to get him a birthday present before we go to the hospital, he looked at me, rubbed my belly and told me I was already giving him the best birthday present he could have ever dreamed of.
I hope this is making sense as I've been awake since 5:00am and it is now 11:15pm and my mind is racing a mile a minute. Do I have everything I need in my hospital bag? Do I have too much in my hospital bag? Do we have everything we need for the twins when we bring them home? I guess at this point, if we don't, we'll figure it out as we go! After all, there are no user's manuals handed out when you leave the hospital!
Stay tuned and when I am feeling up to it, I will post an update! Thank you everyone for all your love, support and prayers!
So here we are, 38 weeks pregnant with our twins! I have been so fortunate to have a very smooth pregnancy. I never suffered from morning sickness or super crazy cravings, I dodged the gestational diabetes bullet and my blood pressure has been consistently "perfect". I'm even shocked at the fact that I weigh less tonight then the day I got married (true story!). I've wondered time and time again what these little angels are going to look like. Will Peyton have the gorgeous deep auburn hair that the sun picks up in her daddy's goatee? Will Lukas have mommy's blue eyes or nose? These are questions that time will answer, but I do know they are going to be perfect and laying in my arms tomorrow!
I think the thing I am most excited about is watching the man that I am so insanely in love with become a daddy for the first time! Jake is an incredibly patient, kind and loving man. Sure, he's never changed a diaper in his life, but if he can cling to a power pole in 80 mph wind, he can surely tackle a dirty diaper. I told him the other day that I needed to get him a birthday present before we go to the hospital, he looked at me, rubbed my belly and told me I was already giving him the best birthday present he could have ever dreamed of.
I hope this is making sense as I've been awake since 5:00am and it is now 11:15pm and my mind is racing a mile a minute. Do I have everything I need in my hospital bag? Do I have too much in my hospital bag? Do we have everything we need for the twins when we bring them home? I guess at this point, if we don't, we'll figure it out as we go! After all, there are no user's manuals handed out when you leave the hospital!
Stay tuned and when I am feeling up to it, I will post an update! Thank you everyone for all your love, support and prayers!
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Spring & Sunshine
There's really nothing like sitting on your front deck, soaking up some rare Oregon Coast sunshine and eating a sweet fresh orange. All this while listening to birds chirp, a lawn mower in the distance and the amazing smell of fresh cut grass! That's when I feel it, another kick in the ribs from one of my twins that are just weeks away from gracing us with their presence!
I had previously written about the fact that it hadn't quite hit me that after 12 years, we were finally going to be parents. I can tell you now, it has definitely started to sink in! Between the obvious lack of space we have in our house, my ever expanding belly and the nearly constant kicking, somersaults and jabs, the thought has now not only hit me, it's become terrifying and exciting all at once! I've had my moments of, "What if I fail at this?", all of which of course end up with me tears. Then I realize that as long as I show my children support and unconditional love, I really can't "fail".
When I look at my husband, I can see the fear and excitement in his face as well. The look he gets on his face every morning when he says good morning to my belly is absolutely priceless! I knew from the moment I met him that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Now as we are just weeks away from bringing Peyton and Lukas home, there is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that he is going to be the most amazing father and together we will raise honest, respectful and loving children.
With tomorrow being Easter, I smile knowing that next year I'll be dressing up two of the most adorable children and taking pictures of them with their first Easter baskets and of course the Easter Bunny!
Wishing everyone a very Happy Easter! May it be full of love, friendship and family!
I had previously written about the fact that it hadn't quite hit me that after 12 years, we were finally going to be parents. I can tell you now, it has definitely started to sink in! Between the obvious lack of space we have in our house, my ever expanding belly and the nearly constant kicking, somersaults and jabs, the thought has now not only hit me, it's become terrifying and exciting all at once! I've had my moments of, "What if I fail at this?", all of which of course end up with me tears. Then I realize that as long as I show my children support and unconditional love, I really can't "fail".
When I look at my husband, I can see the fear and excitement in his face as well. The look he gets on his face every morning when he says good morning to my belly is absolutely priceless! I knew from the moment I met him that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Now as we are just weeks away from bringing Peyton and Lukas home, there is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that he is going to be the most amazing father and together we will raise honest, respectful and loving children.
With tomorrow being Easter, I smile knowing that next year I'll be dressing up two of the most adorable children and taking pictures of them with their first Easter baskets and of course the Easter Bunny!
Wishing everyone a very Happy Easter! May it be full of love, friendship and family!
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