Anger, Frustration and the like...

When the time comes that you start to question faith, there really is no way to describe it.  You find yourself asking, "Why not?"  I have found myself more and more questioning prayer and if they really can be answered.  When one couple endures disappointment, depression and anger month after month (for over a decade), you can't help but to wonder WHY THE HELL are these prayers not being answered?  When there are so many people out there saying prayers for you, why can God not deliver on these prayers and bring the one true thing missing from your life!!!

Okay, so maybe I should rewind and go back to the beginning (or back to the beginning of the fertility roller coaster).  My amazing husband and I have been together for almost 12 years (married for 9 1/2).  From the day I met him, I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and of course, figured we'd be the typical middle class family with 2.5 kids and a dog in the yard with a white picket fence.  After several years of hearing doctors say, "You are young, it will happen in time" or "Relax and don't think about it and it will happen" we decided to consult with our first doctor in Oregon.  After several months of throwing money at the situation and getting no answers, we abandoned that doctor and started looking for another one.

Fast forward to April 2011.  We found our amazing doctor who was extremely proactive in ordering tests and getting down to the bottom of things.  After spending several years carrying the burden that "It must be my fault" we were surprised they really couldn't find anything wrong with me.  And while it appears it could be on my husbands side, it wasn't such a severe problem that should have hindered us for this many years.

So here we are today.  After our third round of IUI, wondering where to go from here...